The WHY of Marriage

After an interesting discussion on Thursday regarding love, marriage and a few things Austen related, I had to ask myself, are the reasons we get married in this day and age so different than the reasons those in Elizabeth Bennett's time?

My first instinct is to say YES! Back "in the old days" marriage was a bond to tie together families, for profits, for land, for repuations. It was more often than not, particularily for those of upper class, a business union. You were to marry within your class and the Gods of Love be damned if the person you wanted to marry was poor- it wasn't going to happen! Marriage meant power, freedom, societal benefits. But it could also be stifling, a prison. That in itself is not so different than today, depending on the type of relationship you're blessed (or cursed) with.

Why did I get married at 23? Because of money? Nope. Because my family was forcing me? Nope. Because I was pregnant and didn't want my grandmother to die of shame? Nope (I was not). I got married, pure and simple, because I'm a true romantic at heart and I was madly in love with my best friend. I looked at marriage as a beautiful, exciting adventure. But, is my reason to marry any better than Mrs. Bennett wanting Jane to marry the rich Mr. Bingley so she can be secure financially and better the family status? Some would say yes- it is always better to marry for love. To marry for money (or want you child to, as Mrs. Bennett does) is to cheapen the meaning, to deny yourself happiness in love. I say, it's up to the individual to decide. Romance is certainly alive and well and love as a reason to get married is much more common nowadays than it used to be, but that does not mean we've eliminated the occurance of "business" unions or other types of marriage.

I have told my husband, jokingly, that if he dies before me, I'd only ever marry again for money. A rich, old man who would shower me with diamonds and tiny teacup dogs. If a couple enters into a marrietal union, both passionately in love, then great. In my romantic heart, that's how I think it should be. But if they choose to marry for a greencard or for their children or for money or for lust, isn't that okay, too? I feel if you are confident in your decision, the reason behind it doesn't really matter. Not everyone can fall in love and coexist in a healthy relationship and even for those that do, it doesn't always work out.

I also think in the days of Jane Austen, married men and women knew what to expect, through generations of gender roles and entering into a union for financial reasons, which set the tone. A woman knew her husband would support her financially, keep her comfortable. A man knew a woman would keep a comfortable home, provide him with children and amusement. But entering into a match of love is much more uncertain. You promise to love one another, to support eachother, through sickness and health, through richer or poorer. But those that are married now, know that it is a lot harder than it sounds and romantic notions go right out the window the day you find yourself fighting over a pair of dirty socks on the floor or the night you have to hold your sick spouse's hair out of the toilet bowl or the days when you want to throw something sharp at the other person's head. I think some people are disapointed when things aren't perfect all the time, or even close to most of the time. After all, that's why "we" get married now- isnt' it? Because we LOVE each other. So, it can be upsetting to find the love doesn't always stay forefront in your relationship. And though it may not be as set in stone as a marriage based on power and financial gain, in my opinion it's a whole lot more rewarding. And the make-up sex ain't too bad, either...